Mothers

"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Mothers as Nurturers

Jenet J. Erickson

Why is there even a question about the importance of motherhood?

In the sixties, Betty Friedan wrote a book, The Feminine Mystique, in which she questioned the value of a woman's life when she devoted herself to motherhood. She suggested that motherhood caused women to be "dangerously vulnerable to exploitation." And, she offered the idea that motherhood offered women a "half-life." The very things that set motherhood apart as noble and divine were the very things Friedan attacked, such as as selflessness, sacrifice, and devotion to family because those things do not lead to power and success for women.

What do the prophets have to say about motherhood?

The First Presidency: "Motherhood is near to divinity."

Elder Robert D. Hales: "Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning."

President David O. McKay: "Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."

Love: The Foundation of Effective Mothering

John Bowlby's attachment theory was based on studies of institutionalized (in orphanages) infants compared to infants raised in loving homes. He concluded that the attachment between mother and child is essential for the child's healthy social-emotional development. Margaret Ainsworth looked at the mother and child attachment even closer and concluded that children were the most healthy when they were emotionally securely attached to their mothers. She suggested the idea of "maternal sensitivity," which is "a measure of how a mother detects, interprets, and responds appropriately to her child's needs; how positive and kind she is in her interactions; and how much she respects her child's autonomy in exploring and growing" (Erickson, p. 132).

What are the goals of effective mothering?

1. Preserving Life

"Studies consistently indicate that mothers have a significant role in influencing their children's health and well-being throughout their development" (Erickson, p. 133).

2. Nurturing Growth and Development

Mothers nurture growth and development through creating an environment of safety, peace, and learning by organizing family routines, rituals, and traditions. Mothers also do this by emotion work, such as "by facilitating conversations about feelings, listening carefully to family members' feelings, recognizing the importance of feelings and offering encouragement, expressing appreciation, and asking questions to elicit family members' sharing of feelings" (Erickson, p. 133). This emotion work is especially effective when mother's are available to their children at "the crossroads" and when working with their children on household tasks.

How can mothers have the strength to bear the challenges of motherhood?

Elder M. Russell Ballard: "Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

"A recent study of a large sample of Latter-day Saint parents found that a mother's private religious behaviors -- including fasting, personal prayer, scripture study, study of other religious materials, and thinking about religion -- were a more significant influence on the quality of her parenting than the family's religious behaviors. Mothers who spent more time in these activities were more likely to feel close to their children and to be effective in providing warmth, love, and support, while setting clear and appropriate boundaries and expectations" (Erickson, p. 136).

What hope is there when mothers don't have the ideal?

Some mothers are single, by choice or by circumstance, and some mothers work outside of the home for various reasons, often beyond their control. Children do better with challenges in family life, such as divorce, when routines, such as daily family scripture study, are in place (Erickson, p. 136). Maternal sensitivity is "the strongest, most consistent predictor of children's social-emotional development and behavior" (Erickson, p. 136-137).

Sister Barbara B. Thompson: "Remember the great love of our Savior. He said in Isaiah 41: 10, 'Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee.' Then in verse 13 He says again, 'I will help thee.' And once more in verse 14 He says, 'I will help thee.' Believe the Savior. He will help us. He loves us" (Erickson, p. 137).

Personal Application
I evaluated my parenting and decided that I am more effective at some times than at other times. I actively try to allow my children to make choices and experience natural consequences. Natural consequences are more effective teachers than parents. I do have some nonnegotiables, where they aren’t give much choice, such as brushing their teeth twice daily and wearing a helmet when they ride their bike. One effective thing I do is the daily do list. I can improve by listening to my kids and by trying to understand their stage of development. I can also be more consistent. I talked to my 10 year old about what he thinks about my parenting and I learned some great and helpful insights on some little things I can change. I’d like to regularly check in with my kids like this to see how we’re doing.


Resources:

Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.